Things haven’t been going that great lately. I just need to get myself together & change some things. I’m diabetic now…well my A1C is 6.4, which isn’t that bad. The doctor wanted to put me on Metformin sometime last year. I took it for a couple of days, but it made me feel crappy, so I stopped taking it. Though I didn’t tell my doctor that. Even after she checked my A1C the last time & it was the same as it was before. She told me that I didn’t have to check my blood sugar, so I haven’t been. Well one day last week, I started feeling nauseous, then started getting extremely hot inside, started sweating, felt anxious. I was at my mom’s at the time & she has a blood sugar monitor. So I tested my blood & it was 71! That would explain that. So she let me borrow the monitor & I have been testing off & on since. Last night I wasn’t feeling well & it was 89. But it’s been up in the 200’s on a pretty continual basis. My fasting blood sugar the other morning was 216. So I started taking the Metformin for a couple of days & it again did a number on my stomach. I will continue to take it (when I remember) & hope I get used to it. I hadn’t eaten anything today & hadn’t taken a pill & it was 102. I guess that’s “normal.” So will see how it goes from here, I guess. Since the 24th, I have been house/petsitting at a place about an hour from where I live for some friends who went to New York with their son on a school trip. I’m here until the 30th. It’s out in the middle of nowhere in a big house. It can get a bit creepy at times. LOL But I have been watching Netflix & Hulu. I have been going thru different TV shows. NCIS, Blue Bloods, Criminal Minds, Survivor, America’s Next Top Model, Supernatural. There are so many more that I want to watch…but I can only watch so many at a time!! LOL I absolutely LOVE NCIS! I can’t believe that I never watched it before. I just started Season 3. I was shocked at the death of one of the characters at the end of Season 2. VERY upsetting. I hate when TV shows do that. I know that people die all the time in real life…it sucks that they have to die in fantasy life too. LOL I loved the character & actually cried. I won’t reveal who in case anyone else is watching or planning on watching it.
I have realized something while I’ve been here alone. I may be an introvert, but I DO need some human interaction. Me being alone for any length of time is not a good idea. I start thinking too much & obsessing about everything. My fear of death gets worse, my fear of growing old alone gets worse, my fear of losing my kids or mom gets worse. Needless to say, I feel more anxiety. I miss my kids, my apartment (even though I’m sure it’s going to be a disaster area by the time I get back home), my mom, my great-nephew, etc.
My niece had her baby on March 3rd.:) A little girl named Izzabella Mercedez.:) She’s a cutie. Justine was in labor for like 6 hours…just like she was with her son Maximus. Except with Izzabella, she only pushed for like 6 minutes! It was crazy! I was there as was her boyfriend Brandon. Her mom was on her way over from Grand Junction..but Justine didn’t tell her that she was in labor until she was in labor for 2 hours. She ALMOST made it though!! LOL I never know if I should use their real names or not. I don’t want them seeing this or someone who knows me or them. I don’t tell anyone that I have a blog. This is just my thing. If I wanted people around me to know what I really think or how I really feel, I would tell them. LOL They are all still living with my mom. Which isn’t ideal. There isn’t that much room. My mom wants her house back. They have lived with her for 3 years now. But they can’t afford to live around here…or anywhere basically. But they need to figure it out. My mom doesn’t need the stress. She has skin cancer on her face. So she has been having to put chemo cream on her face (which isn’t comfortable or fun). She has to do it for 6 weeks. I hope that does it, because she can’t really have surgery. She’s on blood thinners & she would have to go off of them again…which they have found is a VERY bad idea. Her blood starts to instantly clot. So just hoping that this works for her. I just want everyone to be healthy & happy.
I still have only lost about 25 lbs. I haven’t been doing that great on low carb. Though I’m trying to get back into it. I want to be thinner, not only to look better but to be healthier. I want to be here for my kids. I also need to quit THINKING about exercising & DO it. I know that I would feel better. The depression is kinda lurking about. I feel myself turning more into myself. Shutting people out, even though I want to have that person who I can tell anything to & turn to. I just don’t really have that person. I know that there are a few that I could talk to, but I just don’t feel this huge connection with any of them. I don’t want to read, don’t always want to watch TV, don’t want to do anything that I normally enjoy doing. Just want to sleep, which isn’t a great thing. Just have to keep moving forward. I really think that “The Secret” is an amazing thing & works if a person can just change their mind set. To think more positively, to visualize what they want. It’s very hard for me. I have always been a more negative, pessimistic person. I don’t think I was born that way. Just something that happened. Still working thru it. I still have a tendency to be cynical. I guess we’re all a work in progress.