Category Archives: Books

BACK HOME

Well have been home for a few days now.  The apartment wasn’t a total disaster like I thought it would be, so that was nice. LOL  I still have things to do…put clothes away (we had a lot of clothes to wash).  I have way too many things that I don’t even use anymore, that are just taking up space.  Though I hate getting rid of things (yep pretty much a hoarder…but not as bad as the people on TV…thank God), but I know that I need to.  It’s not like I can take it with me.  I don’t want to leave this big mess for people to deal with when I’m gone.  No, I don’t plan on going anywhere any time soon, but you never know.  It’s better to be at least a little prepared, right?  I have so many books to read…that I WANT to read, but for some reason, can’t just sit down & find the time to do that.  I have diet books, self-help books, spiritual books, paranormal romances, historical romances, biographies & autobiographies…some are actual books & others are on my Kindle.  There’s always more that I want to read.  I try to stay out of bookstores & away from library sales.  Only because I can’t even read the books that I already have!  I need to just make it a priority.  I need to use my time better.  I’m really bad about that.  I’m sure I have pissed off plenty of people because I’m never on time for anything.  If I tell you I’m going to be there at 5:00 pm, you can expect me around 8:00 pm.  OK, maybe not THAT bad, but close.  I need to respect other people & realize that their time is just as valuable as mine & they don’t need or want to be sitting around waiting on me.  So yeah…time gets away from me quite often.  I want to work on my genealogy some more, I want to run my store on shopify.  I about have it ready…it’s just getting it to where I want it to be.  I’m not web designer.  I have a learning disability.  It takes me twice as long to figure out things that come easily to most other people.  I get frustrated, because I waste a lot of time trying to figure things out or having to go back & do it over again, because I didn’t think about something that should’ve been done the first time.  I get stuck in the details.  I get so mad at myself.  It would be nice to just be able to KNOW how to do things or at least to be able to LEARN them like a normal person.  Anyway!!

I have been trying to be a more positive person.  To put “good vibes” out into the Universe.  I have come to the conclusion that it’s quite difficult to be positive or to think positive thoughts all of the time.  I have always been more of a negative, gloom & doom type of person.  Always expecting the worst.  Which SUCKS. It actually helps in the mornings to say to myself  “It’s going to be a good day.” Though sometimes as the day wears on, I sometimes don’t feel that way. LOL  That usually has to do with other people around me being negative though.  I absorb their negativity or something.  It’s very draining.  Then I just need to go home or somewhere alone & chill out for a bit.  

My weight wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be when I got back to town, though I was up a couple of pounds.  I was afraid that I would be up like 10 lbs or something. Seriously…I can’t put on weight pretty damn easily.  My blood sugar has been staying pretty low without medication. I see the doctor on Thursday, but now not sure that I want or need to.  I was concerned because it was high.  Now it’s been low…too low for me actually.  In the high 80’s thru the 90’s.  I feel nauseous constantly which is annoying as hell.  I don’t know if one has to do with the other, but regardless, I get tired of it.  Then today, I went with mom to Wal-Mart & a couple of other stores to get some groceries.  After it was all done & I was done taking my stuff by the apartment for the boys to take up & after helping mom take her groceries in…I felt ridiculously tired.  You would’ve thought that I had just run a marathon or something.  I know I’m overweight, that I have Fibromyalgia & all of that….but damn.  It’s not easy having a body that feels like it’s out of your control.  I guess all people feel like that to some extent as they get older.  Or maybe it’s just me.  

Well going to call it a night soon.  Have some things to do tomorrow, including helping with schoolwork, so need to get at least some rest.  For some reason, I don’t like sleeping as much as I used to.  Yes I’m tired, but to make myself just stay in bed or to not get up in the middle of the night & get on the computer is very difficult.  I think it’s because I have so many other things I want to do & I feel a sense of urgency to get them all done.  Yet I NEED some decent rest.