Well have been home for a few days now. The apartment wasn’t a total disaster like I thought it would be, so that was nice. LOL I still have things to do…put clothes away (we had a lot of clothes to wash). I have way too many things that I don’t even use anymore, that are just taking up space. Though I hate getting rid of things (yep pretty much a hoarder…but not as bad as the people on TV…thank God), but I know that I need to. It’s not like I can take it with me. I don’t want to leave this big mess for people to deal with when I’m gone. No, I don’t plan on going anywhere any time soon, but you never know. It’s better to be at least a little prepared, right? I have so many books to read…that I WANT to read, but for some reason, can’t just sit down & find the time to do that. I have diet books, self-help books, spiritual books, paranormal romances, historical romances, biographies & autobiographies…some are actual books & others are on my Kindle. There’s always more that I want to read. I try to stay out of bookstores & away from library sales. Only because I can’t even read the books that I already have! I need to just make it a priority. I need to use my time better. I’m really bad about that. I’m sure I have pissed off plenty of people because I’m never on time for anything. If I tell you I’m going to be there at 5:00 pm, you can expect me around 8:00 pm. OK, maybe not THAT bad, but close. I need to respect other people & realize that their time is just as valuable as mine & they don’t need or want to be sitting around waiting on me. So yeah…time gets away from me quite often. I want to work on my genealogy some more, I want to run my store on shopify. I about have it ready…it’s just getting it to where I want it to be. I’m not web designer. I have a learning disability. It takes me twice as long to figure out things that come easily to most other people. I get frustrated, because I waste a lot of time trying to figure things out or having to go back & do it over again, because I didn’t think about something that should’ve been done the first time. I get stuck in the details. I get so mad at myself. It would be nice to just be able to KNOW how to do things or at least to be able to LEARN them like a normal person. Anyway!!
I have been trying to be a more positive person. To put “good vibes” out into the Universe. I have come to the conclusion that it’s quite difficult to be positive or to think positive thoughts all of the time. I have always been more of a negative, gloom & doom type of person. Always expecting the worst. Which SUCKS. It actually helps in the mornings to say to myself “It’s going to be a good day.” Though sometimes as the day wears on, I sometimes don’t feel that way. LOL That usually has to do with other people around me being negative though. I absorb their negativity or something. It’s very draining. Then I just need to go home or somewhere alone & chill out for a bit.
My weight wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be when I got back to town, though I was up a couple of pounds. I was afraid that I would be up like 10 lbs or something. Seriously…I can’t put on weight pretty damn easily. My blood sugar has been staying pretty low without medication. I see the doctor on Thursday, but now not sure that I want or need to. I was concerned because it was high. Now it’s been low…too low for me actually. In the high 80’s thru the 90’s. I feel nauseous constantly which is annoying as hell. I don’t know if one has to do with the other, but regardless, I get tired of it. Then today, I went with mom to Wal-Mart & a couple of other stores to get some groceries. After it was all done & I was done taking my stuff by the apartment for the boys to take up & after helping mom take her groceries in…I felt ridiculously tired. You would’ve thought that I had just run a marathon or something. I know I’m overweight, that I have Fibromyalgia & all of that….but damn. It’s not easy having a body that feels like it’s out of your control. I guess all people feel like that to some extent as they get older. Or maybe it’s just me.
Well going to call it a night soon. Have some things to do tomorrow, including helping with schoolwork, so need to get at least some rest. For some reason, I don’t like sleeping as much as I used to. Yes I’m tired, but to make myself just stay in bed or to not get up in the middle of the night & get on the computer is very difficult. I think it’s because I have so many other things I want to do & I feel a sense of urgency to get them all done. Yet I NEED some decent rest.