BEING ME

Life is kicking my ass at the moment.  Nothing really major, mostly small things. When I firs t started this blog, I wasn’t sure what I would write about.  Yes, I would like to write about myself & things going on in my life, but does anyone really want to hear things like that?  Reading other blogs, everyone seems so “smart.”  They write about topics in the news or their opinions on things & everyone seems to write really well.  Then there’s me.  Scattered, randomly writing things down as they come into my head.  So I figured that I would write a little about both & see how it goes, but then today I’m just like “well it’s my blog, so I can write what I want/need to write about & if people don’t like it, they don’t have to read it. I was hoping that I would have outgrown this need for acceptance.  Always trying to make people happy when I have enough trouble making myself happy. Wanting everyone to like me, even though I don’t like everyone. From someone on the outside looking in, it would probably look pretty pathetic.  However, this is who I am & I’m a pretty damn cool person if I do say so myself. I need to do what I want to do & not what I think others want me to do or what others may or may not like.  Even if I don’t make sense sometimes to anyone other than myself, then I have to just let it be that. Worrying about other peoples’ reactions or thoughts keep me from writing what I want/need to write.  So from now on, this blog is just me. Some days it may be an interesting thing & other days, it will be a negative thing.  This is my therapy.  We all struggle at least some thru life, some of us just hide it or deal with it better than others. I hide it enough from the people around here, so I don’t plan on hiding it in this blog any longer. Yes it will be full of negativity sometimes, but not ALL of the time, because I understand how draining it is to be around or listen to someone who has nothing good to say about anything, who is always “woe is me.”  I have an ex-brother-in-law like that.  He is still part of the family (I know that’s probably weird to some) & hangs out at my mom’s some.  He was once married to my youngest sister. Tad is a pretty cool guy.  Though he’s also a very negative person at times.  He has some right to be though.  He’s always in a lot of pain. His body just isn’t the best & he’s only 40.  Yes old to some, but once you hit 40, then 80 is old.  He talks about himself in 3rd person a lot, which can be annoying.  Not sure why he does that.  I think it’s just a habit it now.  He gets in relationships with women that are “broken,” & is upset when it doesn’t work out.  The junkies, the alcoholics, the emotionally unavailable or unstable. I know that he hates being alone.  He had a “thing” for me…but this is NOT Springer & I’m not going to be with someone who was married to one of my sisters. LOL  He can be a sweet guy, but I’m not attracted to him at all.  So we remain friends who see each other at mom’s every now & then & well play cards with mom or something.  He used to be around a lot more when my step-dad was alive. Anyway, getting back to the negativity part.  He is always VERY negative on his FB posts.  Some people don’t even bother to respond anymore.  Sometimes I do with either encouragement or sarcasm…depends on what I’m feeling at that moment. LOL  But it gets ANNOYING when he posts negative things on a constant basis.  Then I realize that I used to do the same damn thing.  After my divorce (for a couple of years!) I would put angry, depressing, woe is me crap out there.  People were sympathetic for awhile, but after awhile, they either stopped responding, would send me encouraging memes or quotes or just something personal from them.  Then pretty soon, people were asking why I was so negative all of the time & I’m pretty sure people started avoiding me in “real life.” LOL  So not all of my posts will be depressing or negative.  I promise.:)

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