When I was younger, I foolishly believed that money was the most important thing in the world that you could have.  I was wrong.  I have found that if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.  Feeling crappy all of the time or being in horrible pain daily isn’t a way to live. Yes we all have to endure..or at least until we don’t.  In my personal opinion, if you’re terminal and/or are in constant pain & you get no relief from it either with or without drugs, then you should have the right to choose to die.  I understand that this goes against what we are taught about. Or that most of us were. That killing yourself is a mortal sin & you will go to hell or to purgatory…which, to me, sounds like the same thing.  I don’t know about all of that.  All I know is that we should at least have some kind of say in the way that we die.  That’s not always possible, of course.  There are accidents, heart attacks, strokes, etc. etc. that give us no choice in the matter.  My great aunt was in the nursing home for many years & she was in horrible pain from arthritis.  Yet, she always tried to be cheerful & put on a brave face for visitors.  During this time, one of my uncles died at only 54.  I remember being there when someone told her & her asking “why take him, why not take me?”  Nursing homes are no place for a person.  I think that most, if not all, of them are horrible places.  There is never enough staff, the ones they do have, usually don’t even like working with old people so not sure why they’re there in the first place.  The places smell bad & is full of old people just waiting to die. There are some family members and/or friends who come by, but rarely.  When my grandma was in there with Alzheimer’s (a horrible disease), I had a hard time going in to see her, because she was always upset & wanted to go home.  She was so confused about everything.  It was heartbreaking.  But if you don’t go see them…then they will ignore them even more. My step-dad was in there briefly before he died in July 2013.  My mom was there every day, so they took better care of him, because they don’t want to lose their jobs, even though most of them hate it.  I don’t ever want to be a burden to my kids or to anyone else.  As long as I can take care of myself, I’m good.  When that isn’t happening any longer, then I’m going to have to think long & hard about what it is I want to do. I guess I’m talking about health here for a couple of reasons.  If you don’t want to hear all the details, please stop here. LOL   I have been in menopause for awhile now.  I haven’t had a period since January 2015.  I DO have what I call “period cramps” a lot.  I was in so much pain on Saturday, I didn’t think I was going to be able to deal with it.  Then Saturday night, I started bleeding!!  I don’t know if it’s from the whole period thing or what. But why would it come back after so much time??  The doctor told me today that it was rare.  That’s why she took some cells from my cervix (it was NOT fun!!) to send to be tested.  The doctor said as women age & get past having kids, that your cervix closes up more.  I didn’t know this.  So when she went to get some samples…I was in some major ass pain.  Wish I knew that it would be that way, because I would have taken some Tylenol first!! She said that I would be “crampy” for most of the day, so just to take it easy.  I took a couple of Midols & that seemed to help some with the cramps. This is a new doctor that I’m seeing, because my regular doctor is just too damn busy.  She took on too many patients & then if you’re sick, they tell you “we have an opening in 2 weeks.”  It’s like I’m sick NOW though. Very frustrating.  This one is new, so she doesn’t have that many patients yet, but she will.   She takes me & my concerns seriously.  I had been telling my other doctor for over a year that I had period cramps all the time, but she didn’t seem overly concerned about it.  This doctor did the procedure today to see what’s all going on & to make sure it’s not cancer of my uterine lining.  Plus I’m supposed to have a transvaginal (sp?) ultrasound done soon too.  I hate those things, but it has to be done.  Plus I had my mammogram done yesterday (haven’t had one in like 3 years). Then over a year ago, they found that I have nodules on my thyroid.  They did an ultrasound then & the Ear, Nose & Throat doctor didn’t think they looked all that bad, so he said to wait a year & see if the had changed at all.  I had that done yesterday as well.  Guess will find out in a few days what all is going on.  If it’s not one thing…lol